Memoirs Of My Childhood
Written by: Leander
Genre: Comedy

Ok this is not an easy thing for me to do. Telling stuff about my childhood. Now I don’t remember much of my childhood, but I’m trying hard to tell you all the memories I had growing up.
I was born and raised in this little ‘university’ city called Delft, in The Netherlands. I used to live in this, what we call, a flat on the second floor. It was a flat that only had four levels. It was a very noisy flat, I must say. You could always hear the neighbours upstairs walking around in their own living room and some other sounds which I find inappropiate to mention. The flat we lived in had two bedroom, a living room, a kitchen and a bathroom with all the facilities we needed. I remember that I enjoyed living in that flat, even though I didn’t had my own room. I had a little sleeping area somewhere in the corner of the living room on some dirty old clothes. I didn’t realise that it wasn’t normal for a parent to let your child sleep on some old dirty clothes and sheets in the corner until I got older. The flat had two bedrooms. One that were my parents’ and one room for the dog. Just for the dog. An animal. Not even a human being. It was a room with a bed, a desk and posters of puppies on the wall. I used to go into that room alot and fantasize to have a room like that. I’d ask my parents when I could have a room just like what our dog had. They told me that the dog was older than me and that I had to wait and keep fantasizing. When they told me to keep fantasizing they would always laugh devilish. Anyway, I kept praying to have my own room to sleep in. At some point it got very uncomfortable to sleep in the corner of the living room on the floor. And not to mention sleep on dirty old clothes.
Eventually the dog got older and slowly passed away. Then my parents started to realise that I exist, which made me happy. But even though the dog was gone I didn’t get the room. My father decided to make a computer room out of it. My father cared more for computers than for me. What was I some kind of ornament or something? The corner of the living room was mine for a couple more years, until I was about sixteen years old.

When I think about it, it wasn’t really a nice memory. I mean how would you feel if your parents let the dog babysit you when they’re out of the house. It doesn’t really make sense does it? Anyway, as time flew by I was looking for people who we’re around me when I was a little kid. I didn’t had family who were there during my childhood years. I had asked them but they all didn’t know me. I mean they know me but they wish they didn’t. I don’t know why. Anyway, so I decided to interview people who were there during various stages of my life. I started to interview our upstairs neighbour, Mrs. Gunilla. Mrs. Gunilla was a sixty year old woman from Portugal. She doesn’t really speak Dutch very well. (The language we speak in The Netherlands is Dutch). I visited Mrs. Gunilla and asked her if I could ask her some questions. She had no problem with it. So I was at her place on the third floor. She poured down a glass of lemonade, and we went to sit on the balcony. Below there is a transcript, translated from Dutch to English.

Me: So, Mrs Gunilla, thank you so much for your time to answer some questions I have regarding my childhood years. I really appreciate it. Now, the first question is: How was I like when I was a little boy?

Mrs. Gunilla: Ah, you we’re not one of the most beautiful children in the neighborhood. To be frankly you were very creepy to look at and you we’re very fat. Even though I didn’t know how you got fat, because your parents didn’t give you anything to eat. They always bought alot for the dog. By the way, how is your dog? I haven’t seen the dog in years

Me: The dog has passed away. Could you tell me more about my qualities as a child?

Mrs. Gunilla: Ah, I’m sure you were very sweet, but I went along with the other kids from the neighbourhood who find you very hideous and creepy to look at. It’s not cool to disagree with the goodlooking people. I must say that it’s great you got rid of those warts on your face. Believe me, it looked really horrible.

Me: Anyway, can you tell me anything about when I was in school?

Mrs. Gunilla: No not really. I didn’t care much about you back then. I do know that the McMann’s boy from across the street was very intelligent. I’ve always wished he was my son. Unfortunately I don’t have any kids. But when I think about it, you would make a perfect son for me too, Leander. Yeah, your parents are always telling you what to do, for instance to clean the house and get out the trash. I can use that.

Me: Okay, thank you Mrs. Gunilla. Thank you for no memory.

So interviewing Mrs. Gunilla wasn’t such a good idea, so I decided to stop by at my old school and interview a teacher who knew me well back then. I had to think and remember which teacher I liked the most. So I went to Mr. Chew Me, who’se name is actually Mr. Chu Mi. He was a very intelligent man from China. Below is the transcript from the interview.

Me: Hi Mr. Chew. Thank you for taking the time to see me and answer some questions I have for you.

Mr. Chew: You’re very welcome.

Me: Okay, so how was I like in school? Was I a good student

Mr. Chew: Ah, now I don’t remember much, my son, because I’m getting older everyday. What I remember about you was that you we’re always very motivated and you had dreams.

Me: Really? I had dreams? Then why don’t I remember my dreams?

Mr. Chew: Ah yeah you we’re very intelligent. As a teacher I’m very proud of you, Leonardo. You turned out to be a great actor? I remember seeing your movie about that boat that sank in the sea. This might sound weird, but can I have an autograph of you, Mr. Leonardo? It is for my grand daughter who is a big fan of you.

A neighbour who was nice to say I was an ugly child and a teacher who thought I was Leonardo DiCaprio. Okay, so that didn’t last that long. It is unbelievable, don’t you think? Nothing positive about my childhood. Ah well, the important thing is that I have rised above it.

Anyway, I often felt like I don’t satisfy my parents. I mean it is normal that parents have dreams. Dreams of a perfect son or a perfect daughter. I know I had dreams. I wanted to be famous. It has always been a dream to become a pop star or an actor or a movie director. I mentioned it to my parents one time and they were all like: “Oh no you should not do that! Do something with computers like your father”. That is what my father would say. Although my mom was always supporting my dreams and decisions, but she would always get along with my father. Ah well, it’s not that I don’t wanna do something with computers and stuff, but being a celebrity is more of a passion for me. Ah well, whatever you do, you can never make your parents happy. They always have dreams for you, but what they we’re dreaming, is that something you really want to do? If you do, then you just want to make your parents happy and make your own life miserable. But it’s possible to have the same dream your parents have, so that clears everything up. Do I have a point?

Okay, so I don’t have anything (true) to say about my childhood. It’s just that I don’t remember much. All I can say is, in my case, don’t hold on to the past. The future is all what it’s about. The past only gives you pain. Was that philisophical? I don’t remember.

Unconsidered
Written by: Leander
Genre: Drama/Comedy

One of the worst feelings, I think, is that there are people who just think about themselves and not about you or the ideas and thoughts you have. At least to me that is. There are times that I feel like that and I am sure that you have felt like that too. Unless you are some kind of celebrity and everyone just talks about you day and night, night and day. What can you do about that unconsidered feeling? To tell you the truth, I don’t know. Because I still feel unconsidered alot.
Now let me tell you all a story about this guy, much like myself, who felt ignored and neglected by the people around him.

There is this guy, a nice and goodlooking guy, who had this small circle of friends. This guy, who’s name is … Uhm John … or Michael. Yes Michael. There was this guy whose name was Michael, and he has this small circle of friends. Michael is a goodlooking young man with a good heart. Michael is a very quiet person. He loves his friends alot and he’s always there for them. But there is just one thing that seems to make him feel very bad. Maybe two things … or three. There are times Michael feels very unconsidered. For instance when Michael is together with his friends, walking around in the city, they always plan to do stuff like go to dinner or go see a movie. Michael is, ofcourse, cool with that. But his friends never seems to ask for Michael’s opinion. They would all make the decisions and Michael would just follow them, even though he doesn’t really like it. Michael never tell his friends that it is bothering him, because he knows that they would say he’s overreacting. So he just goes along with him.

There was this one time Michael met up with his friends to go and hang around in the city. Michael is a very shy person and he doesn’t really say much, but his friends doesn’t consider that. They didn’t make him feel comfortable about himself. All they were doing was talking about themselves. Deep inside Michael felt really bad and he often got depressed. There were many times that Michael has been there for his friends. He listens to his friends alot if they are feeling down and he gives alot to his friends, just for no reason. Well just to keep them as ‘friends’. Even though Michael does alot for his friends, it seems that they don’t appreciate it. Maybe they do, but they don’t really show it to Michael. There are times when Michael tells them something, but they don’t really listen. All they say is: “really?” or “how nice”. Michael wants to tell them how he feels, but he doesn’t know how to bring it. Until this day he just let his friends walk all over him.

Poor Michael, I really think it is such a waste to have friends like that. Friends should be there for each other. Friends should make decisions together, no matter what. And by the way I think it was better to name the guy James, instead of Michael. Oh well…

No Love At First Sight
Written by: Leander
Genre: Poem

The first time I have met you
I thought there was a connection
You opened up your life to me
I felt like I was some sort of protection

You shared and expressed your life with me
And I expressed to you my feelings
Explaining I am in love with you
I thought it was appealing

You explained and made it clear to me
You don’t want this kind of connection
The feeling I have for you is not mutual
Again another rejection

I try to accept and rise above it
I know that you have your issues
I said I wanna be friends with you
But right now I need lots of tissues

I told you that I am over you
And that I wanted us to be friends
I actually was not honest to you
I still wanna hold your hands

I don’t know what to do from now
It’s quite hard to get over this
I still think about you all the time
You are the one I mostly miss

I found out something recently
It’s like an arrow shot into my heart
I think you found someone else
My fragile heart has fallen apart

I wished you had told me the truth
Then I would know where to stand
Instead you chose to stay quiet
And found someone else’s hand

I am hoping this all would be over
So that I can sleep again at night
But right now, it is as always
No love at first sight!

Sexual Fantasies
Written by: Leander
Genre: Erotica

Okay, I have decided to move to a topic that may not be suitable for people under eighteen or people who are not into sexual activities, which I find hard to believe. You might have guessed it by the title. So if you are younger than eighteen or anti-sex I advice you to skip to the next chapter.

Something that is normal to every human being is fantasizing. Everybody fantasize about certain things. You can fantasize that you are a multi millionaire or a famous actor or whatever. What people also fantasize about is sex. And don’t you deny it. Everybody fantazises about sex. It’s just that no one ever really talks about it. So I have decided to share my deepest sexual fantasies with you. Let me remind you to excuse yourself and go somewhere else if you get off on what I have to say.

My sexual fantasies all takes place in a perfect world. A world of love, peace and no judgements whatsoever. There are people who have a certain something that is called a fetish. Something like blindfolds and candlewax. Anything that turns on a human being. To tell you the truth I am one of those people. Okay now you might think I’m a freak. But you cannot judge me if you haven’t experienced it yourself.

There are some things that makes me so turned on, or I’d better say horny as hell. And it’s just the little things. Like for instance when someone is blowing in my ear very softly. That makes my toes curl and my dick go up! Something happened to me once when I went to the movies with this girl. The movie wass boring as hell, so it was a good moment. So anyway, this girl was leaning against me. I was yawning and bored out of my mind. The girl I was with lifted her head and started blowing in my ear. It tickled me and it made my body hot and tingly. Then she did something that turned me on even more. She started to lick my earlobe and she bit in my earlobe softly now and then. Right then and there I got a hard on. I never did it in a movie theatre before and it was one of the fantasies I had. So being all horny and without thinking I grabbed her and had sex with her right then and there on the floor. Luckily we we’re sitting way in the back and we were the only once on the last row. I will never forget that.

There was also this time when I wanted to experience some pain. And with pain I don’t mean “slap me” or “beat me”. With pain I mean the kind of pain that I like to call pleasure. Like during sex. I have experienced some stuff like being tied up or having hot candlewax dripped all over your body. Now that is defenitely top notch for me. It is so much fun. You should try it. It’s good foreplay. I don’t like it to have sex with someone and get it over with. You should take your time and have some fun. I like it when it takes all night long. Not wham-bam three minutes. That is so boring and also disappointing for girls. I think that is why many people break up with each other. Because the sex is boring, don’t you think? Anyway, that is my thought. There was this one time I was all tied up on a bed. I couldn’t move and I could see anything because I was wearing a blindfold. Then I felt two hands rubbing my chest. The girl I was with asked me if I would enjoy a little bit of pain. I didn’t really had a choice so I said yes. Suddenly I felt this hot melted wax all over my body. I was moaning ofcourse. It kinda hurt but it wasn’t really that bad. Then she poored cold champagne over me and licked it off my body. Then she poored some more of the hot melted wax over my body and cooled it off with cold champagne and licked it off again.

Then she untied me but I still had my blindfold on. She also put on a blindfold. Then we’re massaging each other without seeing what our hands actually touched. It could be a bit akward, but it’s fun. Hey that’s what it’s all about isn’t it? Fun. Fun and pleasure. After that we made passionate love, still with our blindfolds on.

There are some guys who have this weird fantasy about two girls together, kissing and touching each other. I have to admit that I am one of those guys. Ha! But I must say that what most guys are fantasizing about is not really how it goes. Most guys pictures two girls together is push up bra’s and high heels. But that is not how it goes. I have this friend who had a lesbian experience once. She didn’t intend to do it. It just happened. It happened with her roommate in college. They were studying together in their room. She told me that at one point she looked at her and she thought how incredible she looked. She was stroking her hair and there was this spark between them. They looked at each others eyes very deeply. They started kissing. They both never intend to kiss each other but it happened. It was very passionate and very instense. I told my friend that she shouldn’t be embarrassed about it. The best thing is to make love with someone you love and care about. No matter what that gender is. I told my friend I went through the same thing. It is something different but it can be very nice. Especially if you really care about that person. Who are other people to judge you, right?

There are still so many fantasies I have, which I really wanna make it happen. For instance sex outside, like in the glass elevator at the Marriott Hotel at Times Square in New York City. And also some other stuff. If you don’t experience, please put your judgements aside.

Okay that is that for now. I have said my piece. I hope you excused yourself and went to the bathroom if I turned you one. And I hope you washed your hands. I don’t want you to make my book dirty, okay? And to get back on the candlewax. Dripping it on your lower back! Need I say more?

I’m Sorry
Written by: Leander
Genre: Poem

I’m sorry for letting this out now
It’s time to be realistic
I’m sorry that I always wonder
It always makes me ballistic

I’m sorry I haven’t said this sooner
I have known you like forever
I’m sorry but this is quite deep
But this will make you feel better

I’m sorry that you’re difficult
I’m sure that you are aware
I’m sorry for not being the way you want
But atleast what you can do is care

I’m sorry for all the embarrassment
And for all the pain you’ve caused
I’m sorry for all the drama
But you can’t put your life on pause

I’m sorry for all the heartbreaking
It’s like it is always meant to be
I’m sorry that you’re always being hurt
No one will ever see

I’m so sorry that you are gay
I wish you were not
I’m sorry this world is oh so hard
Sometimes it’s tearing you apart

I’m sorry for all of your sins
You only do what you think is best
I’m sorry if you’re a disappointment
You just have to forget the past

I’m sorry that you’re not a saint
Nobody is perfect and angelic
I’m sorry that sometimes you are lost
Sometimes I think you’re pathetic

I’m sorry for not knowing what you want
It’s just all too complicated
I’m sorry that you’re alive
But thinking about all this makes you devestated

I’m sorry that you are angry
This is not what you want to be
I’m sorry you have much stress
It’s totally not easy to be me

I’m sorry that I am saying this
I just need to get it out
I’m sorry for being in a distant
I’m talking now and that’s what it’s about

So now that I have partly spoken
I can try to continue not to worry
And I have said this all to the person within me
That I am very very sorry

This is a poem that I have written where I am apoligizing to someone. And that someone is me.

Music
Written by: Leander
Genre: Reality

I love music. Music is what I listen to everyday. I cannot live without music. I listen to various kinds of music. Whether it is rock, soul, pop… it all depends on the mood I am in. When I was younger I used to listen to music without listen to the lyrics of a particular song? I only cared about the music. When I got older I started to listen to the lyrics of songs. I think that music is one of the best ways to express yourself and your feelings. There are many songs people can relate to.

One of the artists I listen to is Janet Jackson. Especially her album The Velvet Rope. I could really relate to the lyrics Janet has written for that album. She writes about depression and having the need to feel special. The album The Velvet Rope really helped me through some difficult times in my life. And I’m sure it has helped alot of people all around the world. The first track of that album which is also the title has lyrics like “put others down to fill us up” or “living the truth will set you free”. That album has very deep lyrics. I still listen to that album when I feel depressed and it makes me feel better again.

Another artist I admire is Madonna. Her album Ray Of Light has also inspired me big time. It is also a very personal album with very deep lyrics I relate to, which I’m sure other people relate to as well. Madonna sings about her own life, but there are some lines such as “I found myself in crowded rooms feeling so alone” from the song Drowned World. In that song Madonna sings about what fame has been like for her. That particular line is also something I relate to in my own way.

Music is really a beautiful way to express yourself. You can just write lyrics, but then it would be just like poetry. Not that poetry is bad. That is also a way to be expressive. But singing the lyrics with music and all really makes it more beautiful. But that is my opinion. What would we all do without music? Bless the music.